Happy Monday! TBB Asks-All about LOVE edition

Hi Dolls-

Happy Monday!  Hope this Monday finds you refreshed and not still reeling from either the Super Bowl or the 'This is Us' episode.  Oy Vey on both and I'm not even into football!

I'm super excited to be linking up with some of my favorite girls this morning from The Blended Blog in their Love edition...which admittedly is a subject I know least about in life.  But I'm a good sport and love the idea of love so I, of course, had to play along.

 

1.  Kisses or Hugs?  Oh my!  This is a tough one because I love both so much.  Touch is my #1 love language.  I'm going to go with kisses.  I like all types of kissing--light kissing, heavy kissing, forehead kissing, cheek kissing, hand kissing (you know the kind where he picks up your hand and plants a sweet one on it--aww, be still my heart).  I think kissing is so intimate--often more intimate than sex.  Yes, I went there, just go with it.  As a side bar, I have the best girlfriends in the whole entire world and a lot of my date stories are told over cocktails and typically go like this. HA!

 

2.  Candy or Flowers?  Definitely flowers!  Don't get me wrong, I like candy.  I bought a ton of it when my sister and I were in Belgium but I don't have a big sweet tooth.  But flowers, y'all, I love 'em.  But it doesn't have to be anything extravagant.  I'm just as perfectly happy with flowers from Publix or Trader Joe's as I would be with a bouquet from a florist. 

 

3.  Baking or Cooking?  I'm going to go with a hard no on both and choose Postmates.  I'm really not into either at the present time even though I'm a total foodie.  I can do both--baking better than cooking and I love a man that can cook because I can pour a mean glass of wine while watching him slave over a hot stove. 

Story of my life!

 

4.  Do you remember your first kiss?  Yes I do.  His name was Wesley Clay and I was in the 6th grade.  It took place behind my house and was horrible.  I remember thinking his breath smelled like Doritos. 

 

5.  Favorite color of roses?  Roses aren't my favorite but I'd go with red, pink or yellow.

 

6.  Conversation hearts, yes or no?  Big no!!!  I'd rather eat chalk, which is kind of the same thing.  Although they do look cute in an apothecary jar for decoration...but never for eating.

 

7.  Do you leave love notes?  No but this is such a sweet idea.  I've had friends tell me about their significant others leaving them notes around the house or the bathroom mirror and such and thought that would be so nice.  But to be completely honest, it also makes me throw up in my mouth a little. 

 

8.  Do you decorate for Valentine's Day?  I used to in my old house but when I had to downsize for my new city place, some of my "extra" decoration just had to go.  So I have one sign that my sister made that I absolutely adore. 

 

9.  Red or Pink?  In the words of my favorite character from one of my favorite movies...

 

10.  Milk, White or Dark Chocolate?  I'm not prejudice when it comes to chocolate.  But I do prefer dark a bit more than others as it became a treat when I started losing weight but...

11.  Do you believe in love at first sight?  No but I believe in lust at first sight.  However, I do believe in there being an exception to every rule. 

 

12.  Do you give humorous or serious V-Day cards?  I give my girlfriends humorous cards.  When I've been in relationships before I give funny ones there too.  Truth be told, I think V-Day is a holiday made by the Hallmark company anyway and would rather be told that I am loved the other 364 days than just 1 day.  I know, such a buzz kill. 

 

13.  Favorite Chick Flick or Romantic Movie?  The Holiday...hands down!!!  I watch it at least once a week.  Obsessed!

How I feel when I start catching feelings for a guy.  Like for reals!

 

14.  Stay in or Go Out?  Umm...hello, have we not gotten the theme here?  LOL, seriously, if I had a significant other for V-Day, I would prefer to stay in.  BUT I saw this meme earlier this week and totally LOL'd.  Bless my heart!

 

 

 

OK girls, that's all I have.  Hope y'all have a fabulous Monday!!!

 

 



Just a little surcee...

Hi Dolls-

Happy February!  A new month, in the new year...it's kind of crazy that we are already here although I feel like January was seriously the longest month ever. 

Today, I wanted to dedicate a post to my sweet daddy.  Today would have been his 77th birthday and there's not a day that goes by where I don't think of him or miss him.  If you're new here, I lost my dad almost 22 years ago--the end of this month as a matter of fact.  February has always been a little bittersweet to me but instead of being sad (which I'll do anyway), I wanted to wish him a Happy Birthday with some of my most favorite memories of him. 

These are two of my most favorite pictures of my daddy!  I absolutely adore everything in these pictures and all that it represents.  You see, my dad was outnumbered.  He was the only man in the house thus his love for his girls was monumental.  He was simply THE BEST!  And yes, I get that most every girl thinks that way about their father too but you could never convince me otherwise.  These pictures show my daddy's personality like none other.  My sister and I were the lights of his life.  He told everyone about us.  Anyone he met he talked to about Jesus and his family.  I can almost hear my giggle as he's tickling me but what I wouldn't give to have those strong arms wrapped around me today.  My dad was a big guy--tall and stocky.  Dark hair, dark eyes, a beard for most of his life.  He's probably someone that you may be scared of if you didn't know him.  But once you met him, you knew that he was the biggest teddy bear there was. 

I have so many wonderful memories of my father.  Birthdays were always fun because my mom made a homemade cake every time we celebrated.  This was also one of the very few times that we went out to eat at a restaurant.  My momma was a great cook but this was one of her nights off.  And every gift he ever received, no matter how horrible, or how smelly the cologne was that I bought from the local drug store he said it was the best.

If I made him a sandwich, or brought him a drink or chips or anything he would always tell me if was the best sandwich, drink, chips, etc that he had ever eaten.

He would always tell us how beautiful we, his girls--including my momma, were.  There was no shortage of love and hugs.

I remember sitting on his shoulders at the beach when I was scared of the water and playing in the sand building sand castles.  Vacations at the beach will always be some of my most fondest times and probably why I feel like I have salt water in my vein and where I feel most connected to Mother Nature. 

If you asked him to open a jar or a package, he would act like he couldn't do it and hand it back to you and ask you to try it again.  Of course, it was open when he handed it back but he wanted you to believe you were strong.

He adored...and I mean adored my momma.  And he showed her everyday.  No, their marriage wasn't perfect but it was pretty close to it in my eyes. 

Christmas was always fun but oh so annoying in our house.  You see, my dad would make us take turns opening gifts and when it was his turn, he would pull out his pocket knife and cut each piece of tape off the wrapping paper prolonging the event which of course was agonizing for a kid.

I don't remember going to too many movies as a child but the two I do were 'Home Alone' and 'Songs of the South'.  I don't remember a lot about the movie itself but what I do remember is hearing him horse laugh and cackle throughout the whole thing and feeling so mortified.  What I wouldn't give to hear him now!

My daddy loved Jesus and God help the Jehovah's Witness that would show up at our door because they were the ones wanting to leave, not my daddy asking them to.  We were very involved in church growing up and I wasn't the quietest or most well behaved kid to sit through a sermon.  Well during one service, my friend Ashley Barber and I were sitting with my dad (second row on the left hand side where he always sat) and we were goofing off and he separated us on either side of him.  Well, we thought we would be funny to pass notes and other objects behind the very small gap that was between his backside and the pew.  Well...obviously he knew we were doing this and during mid pass, he scooted back trapping both of our arms behind him.  And made us sit like that for the rest of the service.  Another church memory is that my dad didn't have the greatest singing voice but just like the Psalm says "make a joyful noise" and that's just what he did.  I can still hear him singing Amazing Grace and I tear up every single time. 

So...you may be asking what does the title mean?  Well, surcee is a word that I heard growing up all my life.  My daddy used this word a lot.  And whenever I was really good...which didn't happen all too often, he would tell me he was getting me a surcee, which in my case was a Slurpee at the 7-11.  The most coveted of gifts for any little girl, right?  My sister and I still joke about that and use that word often.

surcee

noun

• a small surprise, very unexpected. May be spelled "surcy".

So, to my sweet daddy on his 77th birthday---I love you forever.  You were my first love.  You captured my heart and to this day it is still yours.  I miss you so much sometimes that my heart physically aches but I know that you are needed in heaven to take care of momma.  My sister posted these photos below earlier today and I had never seen them.  He was such a gentle giant and the most amazing man I have ever known.. 

Y'all, I can't say this enough but hug and love on your people as much as you can.  You never know when your last moment will be your last. 



When Does Being Single....Suck and Not Suck?

Hi Dolls!

So when I started thinking last week about how horribly I was doing at blogging, I asked myself "Why?"  And it came down to this simple answer.  I was comparing myself to so many others who are moms, or fashionistas, or great cooks, or entrepreneurs, blah blah blah.  Well, that's not my life.  I'm not married.  I'm not a mother.  I'm a great dresser (on most days) but fashion isn't my life.  I hate to cook.  I don't make anything nor do I care to do that.  But what am I good at?  I'm good at telling stories---about my friends, my family, my crazy dating life, my travels, and food (not that I make but the restaurants I go to lol).  And that's just what I'm going to do.  I'm going to look only in the mirror at what I know best and that's what I'm going to share.  Which means that you're likely going to be reading A LOT about my dating life and being single.  And that's just what I'm going to do today.  So sit back, relax, and if you're not single--thank your lucky stars.  Although today's post may leave you just a teensy bit jealous ;) 

The stigma on being single is far less than what it used to be but it's definitely not invisible.  The stigma on being single at 25 is WAAAAAAY different than the stigma on being single at almost 40.  Let me explain...when you're 25 you often get lots of support for being single--"don't settle", "focus on your career", "you have plenty of time", "have fun while you're young before you are tied down and have children", "be carefree", "love your alone time". 

When you're almost 40, it can go a little like this "he's still out there", "maybe you shouldn't be as picky", "don't settle but don't turn your nose up at someone you may not have considered before", "you're not THAT old", "there's still time but you may want to hurry" and my personal favorite because I hear this A LOT "so what's wrong with you?" 

First of all, there's nothing wrong with me.  And believe me, if I had the option of being single or not being single, I would definitely--with 100% certainty, be not single.  I want to be in a relationship with a man who I love and care for unconditionally.  I want someone that I can spend time with traveling or going to dinner or just hanging out on the couch.  I am trying to find that person.

 

So, let's get to it my lovely gal pals, when being single does suck or not suck? 

When does being single suck?



OK, so maybe a bit dramatic but...

• When you have to eat dinner alone more often than not.  This doesn't bother me too terribly much because I'm use to it with traveling as much as I do.  But when I'm home, I hate it.
• Knowing you don't have someone to take care of you when you die.  I know, morbid yes, but I think about this probably more than I should.  I start thinking about if I were to die, how long would it take for someone to notice I'm gone?  Again, morbid but these are real thoughts.
  
• When I want to be able to tell someone good news other than my sister or my besties. 
• Physical intimacy on the regular.  I'm not just talking about sex but affection, hugs, hand holding, kisses, etc.
• Seeing other people in relationships who act like they just don't like each other at all.  I mean for real Susan, if you don't like Bob then just end it.  I'm tired of hearing you complain about him.
• Feeling like I have to justify being single.  "Why are you single?"  "Why haven't you gotten married?"  Blah blah blah.
• Dating.  No explanation.  In my case, shopping for a mate. 

• 

When does being single NOT suck?

• You learn more about yourself. 
  
• More time to focus on you.
• Spend more time with friends.
• Feeling lonely takes on a whole new meaning.  And it's not a bad thing.
• When I'm hungry, I don't have to ask my partner or compromise on what I want to eat.
  
• I can use up as much space or as little space as I want in my King sized bed.
  
• When I'm having an off day and feeling bitchy and don't want to talk to anyone...I don't have to.
• I don't have to share blankets or pillows or a doughnut or my bowl of ice cream.  Or anything for that matter.
  
• I don't have to shave.
• I can do what I want to do when I want to do it.  Meaning I can make decisions on the fly: kind of like the eating bullet point but it applies to shopping, planning vacations, buying a car, you get the point.

OK girls, that's the long and short of it...or at least my take on it.  Being single definitely has its own advantages!  And if you are, I implore you to feel powerful about it and soak it up learning who you are and what you want! 

Monday...Say What?!?

Hi Dolls!

Happy Monday!!!  Anybody else feeling like this poor lad?!?  And I'm also sporting a slight hangover so it makes it even worse. 

 

I had a fantabulous weekend and hope all you gorgeous gals did as well!  This past weekend was the last in Charlotte's restaurant week and my bestie Pamela and I hit up a place in uptown Charlotte that I'd only had cocktails at but never the grub.  I'll be honest, the food and service paled in comparison to the company. I was disappointed, but c'est la vie, right?  It happens.  Hopefully it was just an off night for them but I think I'll be sticking with just drinking there from now on.   I wrote some blog posts on Saturday morning, caught up on laundry and watched about a half dozen episodes of Hoarding: Buried Alive---is it just me or do y'all feel much better about your clutter after watching this show?  My sis and I had dinner Saturday and saw Phantom of the Opera and had a little sleepover.  Have I mentioned lately that she's my favorite human ever?  Oh and also, if you didn't see my IG pics over the weekend you have to check them out.  We were on the very first row!  Right behind the orchestra.  It was unreal!  I mean we were so close that I could hear the individual voices of the singers and see the Phantom up close and personal (and actually see him spitting when he was singing lol).  And I absolutely love this dress--I ordered it on Target (otherwise known as my mecca) and this was the first chance I got to wear it.  Love, love, love!

 

And Sunday we had breakfast, I met a girlfriend for lunch, pretty much laid around all afternoon and then I had a date!  Which leads me to what I'll be writing about on le blog today.  Valentine's Day, otherwise known as Singles Awareness Day is coming up and I've been dating long enough to know that the busiest time for online dating sites is typically right after Christmas, right after New Years and right around the devil made "holiday" of Valentine's Day.  Totally kidding on the devil day, well sort of but even when I was in a relationship on Valentine's, it wasn't something I celebrated.  It's a crock of ish.  Anyways...back to my date on Sunday and dating in general.  What if you could review guys like you do on Yelp?

 

 

But first, let me give you a little insight into my dating life--especially if you are new here.  Because if you're not new here, believe me, nothing has changed.  If I had to sum it up in one image, it would definitely be this.

All joking aside, this is exactly how I feel?  I've seriously been dating since I was 14 and I'm not sure that I feel that I'm getting closer to finding "the one" than I was 20 years ago.  But for the first time in a long time, I am more open to it and the possibility of finding him. 

 

When I was 26, I was engaged.  And then I wasn't.  You see I called off my wedding about 3 months prior to the big affair.  I won't go into all the details of it but I take complete responsibility for what happened.  I accepted the proposal from a man who I had been with for over a year but that I knew I didn't love completely.  I was at a point in my life where all my friends were getting married and having babies and I felt overwhelmed with pressure to get on the same path.  I mean, I'm Southern---who wants to be 30 and not married?  Well, as it got closer to time, we were fighting.  A lot!  And one day, the fighting reach its boiling point and in a fit of rage, he yelled out these words that changed my life..."What?  Do you just not want to get married???"  I'm sure that what happened next was not what he expected but I blurted out, without any hesitation, "No!  I don't want to."  And that was that...it was said.  It was out there.  No turning back!  He was angry.  He yelled.  He called me nasty names.  And I didn't blame him--not one little bit because I never should have accepted his proposal in the first place.  But that was that--I mailed the ring back the next day and we never spoke again. 

 

After that whole ordeal, I made a decision to focus 100% on the growth of my career.  I moved to Maryland for a couple of years, then moved back to NC but my career became my life.  I had a few short, meaningless relationships but nothing worth remembering.  And then I woke up somewhere around 36 and was like, "shit, now what?"  I'm 36, I've never been married, I don't have children.  Where do I go from here?  So I started getting serious about dating and meeting people, which led me to a couple of different dating sites because people just don't meet organically anymore and this was the new way to do things.  And that led to a whole new string of more meaningless relationships and a whole lotta dates!  Oy! 

 

OK, so now that you are somewhat caught up on the single life of Jenny we can now move on to the point of this post.  A few weeks ago, I saw an IG meme that was something along the lines of "don't you wish you could rate a date like trip advisor" and I was like YAAAAASSSSS!  I would love to be able to do that.  Even if it was only to warn other women of the asshats that I was finding.  But in the spirit of not being a hypocrite, I thought it would only be fair to do a review on myself first.  Obviously, this is a completely subjective view (kind of like if a bakery had personally asked me to review their place but also gave me a free donut--wink wink nod nod).  So here goes...

 

Jenny, 39



 

Wow, this girl has it all--brains, beauty, booty!  However, she can be slightly narcissistic, a little overbearing, not a great listener, doesn't forgive easily, holds grudges forever and swears a little bit too much for the sweet, Southern gal she claims to be.  She talks about her friends, her sister and her dog incessantly (which can often make a guy seem like second fiddle in her life) but that also means that she has a strong caring nature about her and will take a bullet for you if you make it into her intensely small inner circle.  She's quick to react to things--often times negatively and has a crazy non-emotional way of being able to move on (sometimes without letting the other person know).  But she's funny---like crazy funny and sarcastic and is great with one liners.  She can probably drink a grown man under the table.  And deep down inside that not yet black heart of hers, she really does want to love...and be loved.  She's confident and independent but hopes to find a man who will nurture and encourage her adventurous, loving spirit.

 

By the way, that last sentence is actually on my Bumble profile--written by my best friend Pamela...so it really is a review ;)     

 

So you see where I'm going with this, right?  Imagine if you were single and we had a review system like this.  I'll be honest, I'm sure my review would not be as striking as it appears above if it were written by some of my former suitors.  And I definitely don't proclaim to be the easiest person to date.  As a matter of fact, I've actually told dates in the past that I'm not good at relationships. My girlfriends made me promise to stop doing that, which I have--sort of.  But it is what it is. 

 

With all that being said, I'm going to review the last few dates I've been on.  And girls, believe me, I'm going to delve into this whole dating at almost 40 things a lot in the very near future.  And I hope you love reading it as much as I am going to love sharing it.  Oh and for you happily married gals, let this be a reminder of how lucky you are that you don't have to go through any of this anymore. 

 

Dr. Drillgood (names have been changed for anonymity of course), 44

 

First, an explanation of the names.  My friends and I always come up with nicknames for dates.  In this case, Dr. Drillgood was a dentist (an obviously an homage to one of my favorite 80's hairbands).  On paper, great guy!  Local, dentist, divorced, older children, stable, handsome, good teeth (duh).  But if I'm being honest, I'm being very generous with his score.  Let me explain.  On first dates, I only plan for drinks.  This way it can be very quick if need be.  I can throw back a Tito's on the rocks in less than 15 minutes if the date is not going well.  But Dr. Drillgood and I met at a local bar near where I live.  He was waiting for me at the door and greeted me with a Duggar hug (you know the sideways one).  He wasn't as tall as what I expected him to be but wasn't bad looking.  He apparently had planned to sit at a table because the hostess was ready for us with menus but I quickly stepped in and suggested to go to the bar.  Now here's where it gets weird.  There was no eye contact.  None.  I am not exaggerating.  As a matter of fact, there was another guy (that I actually ended up having a drink with after my date) that made a point to say that he was uncomfortable just watching it all play out because of the lack of eye contact.  It was the most unusual thing ever.  And yes, very uncomfortable.  There was plenty of conversation but again, no eye contact.  In my mind, we were only there for a drink but he ended up ordering a whole dinner which made the already uncomfortable date worse because it just prolonged it.  So I get it, I'm not everyone's cup of tea.  He may not have been attracted to me.  And that's ok.  But I think he also was very socially awkward.  Anywhoodle, the date ended with an even more awkward Duggar hug and we went our separate ways.  The two stars are for the conversation before we met because he did seem pretty cool.  We obviously haven't spoken since.

 

Make You Say "What" Matt, 42

This one is definitely one for the books.  And how it ended was soooo not what expected. 

Handsome, great conversationalist, somewhat flirty but not over the top, good career, beautiful teeth, great smile, well traveled, good height (I would be able to wear heels).  Based on all of this and our first date, I would probably have given him 4 stars.  We met at a wine bar near my place.  He dressed nice and smelled delicious.  On all accounts, it wasn't a bad date at all.  We had a couple of drinks and he offered to walk me home.  Nice (non-Duggar) full frontal hug and a kiss on the cheek from him.  He asked me to text him when I made it home and that was it.  I wasn't sure if I was feeling sparks or googly eyes at all but it wasn't a bad date at all.  I told my bestie that if he called and asked me out again, great.  But if he didn't, I wasn't going to lose sleep over it.  Here's where it takes a weird turn.  And also is the reason I am taking away 3.5 stars.  Friday afternoon, I received a text from him and it went like this--like verbatim.  I can't make this up:
Him:  Hello Jennifer
Me:  Hey, "Make You Say What Matt".  Happy Friday!
Him:  I'm not sure if I said-but I'm not looking for a long term relationship, but a cuckold one.

In the famous words of Zack Morris, "Time Out"

Me:  ***Immediately googling what cuckold is***  If you don't know what this is, look it up.  If you have kids and they can read, don't have them around when you do it. 
Me:  No you didn't mention that.  At all.  That's definitely not something I'm into but good luck in finding it. 
Him:  Crickets...

OK...so let me explain my star rating which may be different than what you might be thinking.   If you've ever reviewed anything, you know that you can't give zero stars.  With that, I am giving him half a star.  But I'm not giving him a half star because of what he's into.  I'm giving him a half star simply because he wasn't honest.  It seems that everybody has something they are into--some more freaky and less socially acceptable than others.  If he had told me in the beginning that that's what he was into (or even listed it on his profile), I wouldn't have wasted my time spending a couple of hours of my week getting to know him.  Just be honest man!  Why is it that hard?!? 

So I can sum up this review simply with...

 

Bulletproof, 42

 

So this was my Sunday date.  We met at another local wine bar near where I live.  Side bar--I have so many fabulous bars, restaurants nearby that are great for date nights.  And for me because I hate driving.  But back to the regularly scheduled program.  I was pleasantly surprised by this date.  Bulletproof (he does PR for a company that makes body armor) and I had texted for about a week.  As a matter of fact, he was the first guy I had reached out to on Bumble but due to him being out of town for work, we weren't able to go out right away.  Divorced, 10 year old daughter, great smile and teeth, beard, and wonderful conversation.  Everything flowed so easily and was super comfortable.  We seemed to have a number of things in common and I only found myself annoyed with him at a few points in the date, which is so very rare for me.  He was very attentive, complimentary (because what girl doesn't like to hear she's pretty). It was a great date that ended up with a tiny bit of PG face smushing and him asking me out for another date this week.  He was totally worth 5 stars just based on the first date alone and the only reason I'm giving him a 4 is because nobody is perfect and he probably has a bag of toenail clippings in his closet.  Long and short of this is that I'm being cautiously optimistic.  It was fun.  But my track record in dating hasn't been all that...well, let's just leave it at that.  More to come on this later as it develops.

 

Well girls, that was fun.  And to any single girls that happen to stumble on this blog and can totally relate, just remember this...

 

 

I plan on getting way more in depth as it regards to my dating life because that's what my girlfriends and I talk about and you fab gals are my girlfriends too.  Plus they are such fun stories to tell.  And I have so many of them...including a list that one of my besties and I have been working on the last couple years that describe all the guys we've ever dated...and it's a doozy (example:  "Emotional Train Wreck Guy", "Glory Day Guy", "Never Gonna Happen, aka Bless Guy", "Barely Legal Guy".  You get it...so much fun but so many more. 

 

This is going to be a good blogging week y'all...make sure you come back to read more!